Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
