so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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