ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
