kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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