Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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