I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
