just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
