You made me cry and you don't even care
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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