I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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