overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
