Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
