im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
