It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
