This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
fuck your aforementioned shoe
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
