You made me cry and you don't even care
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
