When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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