boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
