you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
