I'm so fucking centered right now
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize