i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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