very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize