Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
