; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize