i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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