She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
