my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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