she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
