I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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