Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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