She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
