I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
