That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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