Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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