tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
