apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
