butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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