Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
