i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
