so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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