I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize