OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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