She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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