do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize