now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
