How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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