She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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