Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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