He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
