I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
