did you get engaged???
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
