My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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