exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
