I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
