I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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