2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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