i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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