Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
