hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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