My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
