Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
