all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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