He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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