Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
