No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
