take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
